How would you think, act, and speak differently if you really believed what your husband says about loving your body?
A Wives Only Wednesday post
I’m wrapping up my “What If” series with this post just for the ladies. It’s not that men don’t have body image issues or shame associated with their appearance, but I know that it is something many women struggle with.
So listen up ladies, and prepare to have a paradigm shift in your thinking.
It’s Important to Him
It is important to your husband that you believe in the sincerity of his love for you, and that includes how you look. His admiration of your physical beauty goes beyond his visual nature.
Most husbands, myself included, want their wives to feel loved. In fact, I count it among my highest priorities in life. When my wife rebuffs my compliments on her appearance or counters with a list of her flaws, I feel like I have failed at conveying my love and admiration. But when she accepts my words at face value and allows herself to experience my love in this way, we both win!
Where your appearance is concerned, isn’t your husband who you want to please most? If he thinks you are beautiful, hot, sexy, pretty, striking or however else he may describe you, then you are. Period. Believe him, however difficult it may be.
The Bible says quite plainly in 1 Corinthians 7 that your body belongs to your husband (and his body belongs to you, by the way). If you really believed how attracted your husband is to you, you would know that he sees you as his beloved bride and priceless treasure. He’s proud to have you for his very own, in ways that no other man can know and/or see you.
Confidence is Sexy
Do you want to know a secret that I think few wives have a handle on? Sex appeal (or whatever word you want to use for a woman’s allure to her husband) is 80% attitude and 20% physical appearance. It may even be 90/10.
Whether you buy my numbers or not, how you present yourself to your husband probably has a bigger influence on how he perceives your appearance than you know. If you really believe what your husband says about your body and his desire for you, it will give you more confidence, more boldness, and a shift in attitude that makes you even more appealing.
A woman in one of our marriage small groups once confided to us that she sometimes imagines herself as a sensuous movie star in order to take on a more confident and daring persona. Imagining herself as Jennifer Garner or Angelina Jolie (or whoever) allowed her to drop her inhibitions and really let go, much to her husband’s pleasure – and hers as well. Imagine whatever you like that helps you in the confidence department, but try imagining that your husband is actually crazy in love with your body. After all, you are his movie star!
True confidence feels good. If you feel comfortable in your own skin and believe in your husband’s desire for you, as your confidence grows, you will begin to feel good about yourself.
Two Caveats
First, I have heard horror stories of husbands who deride their wives over every extra ounce and constantly put them down over their appearance. That’s a sad and difficult situation, and I am sorry if that is the way your husband treats you. Dealing with that situation is a whole separate post. But I honestly believe the vast majority of husbands do not fall into that category.
Second, I am not saying that appearances don’t matter. It will help you feel good and it will bless your man when you pay attention to his preferences in clothing, hairstyles, makeup, lingerie, and sleeping attire. I know men have a broad spectrum of opinions on these kinds of appearance-related things, so if you don’t know your husband’s preferences, ask him. And then respond accordingly. You have no idea how much it will blow him away when you make choices especially for him!
Time for Action
I understand that you get plenty of negative messages about your appearance from TV and magazine advertisements. Remember, those folks are in the flaw-peddling business in order to sell you something to “fix” yourself. Forget them and their airbrushed definition of beauty. Take what your husband says and run with it.
So ask yourself this “what if” question and ponder it seriously: how would you think, act and speak differently if you really believed, deep down, that your husband loves your body and is strongly attracted to you? Some ideas for your consideration:
- You wouldn’t try to refute him when he compliments your appearance. You would just smile and say “thank you.”
- You would experience more confidence and a sense of power, as you grow to like yourself more.
- You might become more adventurous in bed, discovering more fun and experiencing more pleasure.
- You would fully experience your husband’s pleasure in you.
- You might decide to revamp your selection of sleeping attire and lingerie.
- You could be willing to have sex with the lights on (candles or dim lights set a sexy atmosphere).
- You would find your inner self and perhaps like how you look – maybe for the first time.
I challenge you to spend the next week behaving differently as a result of your “what if” contemplation. Take a few baby steps toward more boldness and confidence, believing that your husband adores your body. Odds are he absolutely does!
Here are a few related posts for further reading:
- My must-read post for husbands on this topic, Your Wife is in a Body Image Battle.
- Another of my Wives Only Wednesday posts: 4 Things Your Husband Wants You To Know About Your Appearance
- Paul Byerly of the XY Code: Really, You Look Great to Him.
- J, from Hot Holy and Humorous: Tips for Confidently Baring It All for Your Hubby.
Have you written a post on husband’s who fart and belch unreservedly in front of their wife? I mean, if the wife doesn’t do it and it grosses her out. We had an argument about this last night when I asked him to please not belch in front of me. He said it’s his own home. I feel quite disrespected. Any suggestions appreciated. I got on my knees and asked the Lord for help, for both of us.
By the way this is going on 17 years of requesting every 3-4 years or so that he not do this because I feel disrespected when he does it. He doesn’t read hardly at all so he’ll never see this. I need to know if I’m wrong and ways to cope with this. Thanks.
Thanks for your inquiry, silver. Actually, I wrote a post about this on my old Journey to Surrender blog, “Let Your Hair Down, Mostly.”
I read that. Thank you. Any advice for wives of husbands who opt to belch anyway after being asked not to? I forgave him but I still feel disrespected when he does that. I’m not talking about burping. I’m talking full on, mouth open from the gut contest-worthy belching.
You are spot on with confidence is sexy. We all have flaws we wish weren’t there, but most of the time we are harsher with our own body than our spouse is. When we put those flaws ahead of trying to connect with our spouse, we hurt the closeness and intimacy of the marriage.
You are so right! And the same is true when we focus on the flaws we have in other areas too. You have to love and accept yourself in order to accept love from others, especially your spouse.
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As a husband of 31 years, I most definitely agree with Scott – an excellent explanation!
I enjoyed this. As women we are so brainwashed by media, as to what our bodies are supposed to look like. What we need to realize though, is that not all our bodies are made to look the same and God created us exactly the way he wanted, and that should be good enough. To me it is just an extra bonus to know that my husband really does like my body! I am sharing this article on my facebook page. I really want other women to hear your message.