When you find your level of connection lacking, it's time to take intentional action.
It’s an amazing mystery, literally a mega-mystery, but the Bible declares that Jenni and I are one, just as I am one with Christ (Eph 5:31-32). What an awesome privilege to be joined together in perfect oneness.
Intimacy Isn’t Automatic
We discovered, however, that being one doesn’t mean intimacy is automatic. No, if we want to maintain a deeply intimate connection, we have to be intentional about building it and sustaining it. It also means we have to pay attention, to be watchful that disconnection doesn’t creep in.
If you think about it, intimacy between husband and wife works very similarly to the intimacy we share with Jesus. We become one with Jesus when we come to faith, but if we want to walk closely with him and enjoy all the benefits of our oneness, we have to pay attention to the things that feed our connection to him, things like prayer, worship, and time alone together.
The Ephesians verses mentioned above make clear the direct parallel between the spiritual and the marital. So, in marriage, we also maintain our connection by doing the things that fuel intimacy. Time alone together, meaningful conversation, and making love are just some of the ways to stay close.
The Pain of Disconnection
As I said above, oneness does not guarantee intimacy. We were designed for intimacy, for what researcher and author Brene’ Brown calls “belonging and connection.” God put a longing for connection in our DNA so that we long to connect with him, and in a similar way, so that we long for each other in marriage.
Even when they can’t put their finger on it, most couples realize when things are not quite right in their relationship. The reason we experience discomfort and even pain when we feel at odds with our spouse is that any sense of disconnection tears at the fabric of our oneness.
The last 12 months have been hard for everyone. It’s been especially hard on marriages and families. Nothing is normal. The pandemic dramatically impacted family dynamics with lockdowns, work-from-home rules, and schools operating online. There’s the constant threat of illness, or having to deal with actual illness, whether personally or with close friends and family.
Marriages are STRESSED!
What Can You Do?
If this past year has left you feeling disconnected from each other. Or if for any reason, you aren’t satisfied with the level of intimacy and connection in your marriage (and we don’t think you ever should be), it’s time to challenge yourself to take action. Dare to do things differently in order to get different results.
You might feel like you are doing all you can to just survive, but God wants you to thrive. More specifically, he wants your marriage to thrive. You might be aware of the things you could do to maintain the intimacy between you and your husband or wife, but you might also feel like you don’t have what it takes.
While there are many things you could do, we have a suggestion that we think will help make building connection more attainable.
We have just opened registration to a brand-new 10-week e-course, Intimate Connections, giving you and your spouse a weekly call-to-action that encourages you to think, act, and communicate in new ways that help intimacy thrive.
This course will give you a solid framework for positive, effective, achievable action.
Get all the details about the Intimate Connections eCourse on our website: