It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married; there is always more for you to discover in the future.
Even after 38 years of marriage, Jenni and I believe that there is still much more for us to discover and enjoy in our marriage in the months and years ahead. And we are determined to keep seeking more because there is always more.
Marriage is designed to reflect our relationship with Jesus, our Bridegroom. And in my walk with him, there is always more. More to know about him. More to experience with him. More intimacy to enjoy with him. It never ends.
Not surprisingly, it works the same in marriage. There is always more there too. More to know about each other, because we are always changing and evolving and becoming more who were meant to be. More to experience together, especially as we go through various triumphs and trials together. And, most importantly, there is a deeper level of connection and intimacy yet to be enjoyed.
So, what’s the best way to stay on the path of more? Here are four keys that will help on your journey toward more.
1 – A Mindset of More
I once heard a preacher say, “Your wedding day should be the worst day of your marriage.”
The statement struck me as odd at first. But when I stopped to consider what he meant, I understood. From the very beginning, my marriage is meant to always be growing – getting better, stronger, more passionate, and more intimate every year. Your marriage is meant to be that way too.
Of course, there will be challenging seasons. I’m a realist. But on the whole, every marriage should be on an ongoing upward trajectory toward more. Don’t buy the lie that the world dishes out that intimacy, love, sex, and passion inevitably fade with time. They don’t have to be that way unless we allow it to be so.
2 – Continual Pursuit
I know we tend to think of pursuit as something we do during pre-marital dating. But the truth is that pursuit within marriage is just as important, if not more so.
The longer you’ve been married, the easier it is to stop pursuing each other, but it gets more important with time. The need to pursue your spouse never ends!
The important thing to realize about pursuit is that it often looks different to husbands and wives. The things that make you feel pursued most likely won’t make your spouse feel pursued. Be a student of your husband or wife. Learn their love language and speak it. Often.
3 – Watchfulness
Watchfulness is basically about keeping your marriage off auto-pilot. It’s about being attentive and awake to the things that are going on in and around your marriage.
Watch for signs of marital drift and take steps to reach across toward your spouse and engage with him or her.
Your marriage is on one of two paths: The Path of Intimacy or The Path of Separation. You get to choose which.
4 – Go First
Be willing to be the first one to bridge any divide or hurt between you. It’s not always easy, especially when emotions are high.
Going first requires a degree of vulnerability. But vulnerability opens a door to intimacy. Take the risk. Go first.
Go For More This Week
This week, write down three things you’d like to see more of in your marriage. Pick one of those and write down three small steps you can take to move toward them in light of the list above.
We’ve been talking about finding more for your marriage on our new YouTube channel. Check out these videos, and be sure to subscribe while you are there so you don’t miss any of our weekly episodes!