Choose the Road Less Traveled

The Path of Intimacy is a road less traveled. And it will make all the difference in your marriage.

I’m happy to announce that today my new Kindle book The Path of Intimacy is officially released! I have to admit that I’m extremely excited about this book.

I’m excited because I’ve seen first hand the heart’s desire of so many couples over my many years in marriage ministry. There is a universal longing to discover a deeper connection on an emotional, physical and spiritual level. So many yearn for it. Yet so many struggle to find it.

That’s why I wrote the book.

The Road Less Traveled

Robert Frost’s famous poem The Road Not Taken ends like this:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

The journey into deeper intimacy in your marriage involves one pivotal choice, followed by a million little choices made on a daily basis.

Choose Your Path

The first and most important choice is to choose to take the road less traveled. The Path of Intimacy is not the easiest path. Sadly, it’s not the path most commonly traveled, either. But choosing this path will alter the entire course of your marriage.

Choosing the Path of Intimacy starts with a choice to make intimacy the primary goal of your marriage. That is indeed an uncommon choice. Yet it’s an extremely crucial one.

Choosing to make intimacy the number one goal of your relationship changes everything–much more than I could cover with a single post.  But let’s take a look at just one example of the impact of such a choice. It’s a common situation in many marriages: unmet needs.

For many, marriage is primarily about having their own needs met. If that were true for me, when my wife neglects my needs, I’m going to withhold from meeting her needs and withdraw until I get what I think I am due. It’s only fair. I’m justified. If my wife were to take the same stance, she would respond by further withdrawing or by giving me the “silent treatment,” which means my needs will continue to be unmet. Thus, we a cycle that leads to the Path of Separation, each of us fixed in a pattern of withholding and withdrawing.

Now, let’s take the same scenario, but instead, I choose to make intimacy what matters most. Instead of withholding or withdrawing, I actually step toward her, looking for ways to maintain our connection by focusing on what will make her feel most loved and cherished. I choose to trust that her heart is for me, and I extend grace to her in areas where she isn’t fully attending to my needs. We can communicate knowing we both want to love each other well and that we care for each other.

This choice is not a panacea. It doesn’t mean I never feel hurt or neglected. It just means that I know that grace is always an invitation to intimacy. And I have decided that intimacy is what matters most. In most cases, grace is a much better change agent than are criticism and judgment. There is no guarantee my needs will get met, and I am not showing her love in order to get love from her, but I do it because it’s a deliberate choice and the way God calls me to love her.

A Million Little Choices

Keeping your marriage on the Path of Intimacy involves many daily choices to focus more on your spouse than on yourself. It means choosing to stay engaged when it would be easier not to. It means learning to express love in the ways that are meaningful to your spouse and then having the discipline to actually act on them consistently. It means finding delight and pleasure in giving delight and pleasure to each other.

If this post resonates with you, if you have a longing for deeper intimacy and a stronger connection with your spouse, I urge you to start (or continue) down the Path of Intimacy. I hope in doing so, you’ll consider getting my new book. Read it. Then put into practice what you learn.

I promise it will make all the difference.