Be a treasure hunter where your spouse is concerned by seeking, seeing, and speaking the beautiful and praiseworthy in your spouse and marriage.
Have you ever heard the principle, “We become what we behold?” Or maybe you’ve heard the adage, “Whatever you focus on grows.”
The notion behind both of these sayings is that we tend to be shaped by whatever we choose to fix our hearts and minds on. This means that the future course of your marriage will be significantly impacted by how you choose to think about your spouse and your relationship.
And it is your choice.
We’ve got some tips on treasure hunting at the end of this post, but let’s first talk about why it’s so important.
Agreeing with Heaven
We all have plenty of flaws, and finding the faults and deficiencies in your spouse is probably not that hard to do. But if Christ-like love is our model for marriage, then grace should be at the center of how we see our spouse.
It takes lots of grace to see past your spouse’s shortcomings, but unconditional love has great power to transform. Amazingly, when you choose to agree with heaven and view him or her through God’s eyes, they will tend to move toward the person they are meant to be.
Dealing With the Past
It may be more challenging if you are dealing with issues of unforgiveness in your marriage or holding onto past hurts. Chances are, these things are still causing problems in your marriage today. Bitterness keeps you trapped in negative thought patterns that prevent you from seeing and enjoying all the good things. I strongly encourage you to face reality and do something about any lingering unforgiveness with your spouse. Engage in the hard conversations needed to deal with the past.
Remember, forgiveness is as much for you as it is for your spouse. It allows you to walk in freedom from the past and into the future God has for you and your marriage, a future full of intimacy, passion, love, and grace. Releasing bitterness, resentment, and pain is not easy, but it’s essential and well worth the effort.
Be a Treasure Hunter
Scripture encourages us to fix our thoughts on good things:
Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.
Phil 4:8 (MSG)
Here are a few tips for becoming a better “treasure hunter” who seeks to find the “jewels” in your spouse and marriage.
- Ask God how he sees your spouse. Write down what God impresses on your heart. It may come in the form of a picture, a thought, a memory, or a scripture.
- Make a list of things you admire about your spouse. Keep it handy. Review it often. Add to it frequently.
- Mention some of these to your spouse. Speaking truth out loud has power. It encourages your spouse, and it seals these thoughts in your own heart,
- Deal with any unforgiveness or bitterness. Get help if you need it.
- Pray for and ask God to bless your spouse. Pray together.
- Work on replacing criticism with encouragement
Diligently seek, see and speak the treasure in your spouse and watch how passion and intimacy grow as a result.