Are You a Lover or a Worker?

A lover will outwork a worker every time.

In my last post, When Needs Go Unmet, I encouraged you to embrace the notion of loving your spouse radically by focusing mostly on what you can give rather than on what you are (or are not) getting. This is the very kind of radical, unconditional love Jesus gives to us.

I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not at all easy when you feel like you are the one doing most of the giving. However, there is something that can help you keep on giving selflessly and hang on until the breakthrough comes in your marriage.

It’s all in how you see yourself.

Which One Are You?

Are you mostly a lover or mostly a worker?

Let me explain.

A worker usually does what he or she does in order to get something in return. In the job world, it’s for a paycheck or a promotion. In the marriage world, you may work to get your spouse to change or to get them to give you what you need. It might be that you are working to get love. You may even be working because you know it’s the right thing to do or so that you can win the badge of being the “good spouse.”

The worker is motivated by external forces.

Be A Lover

A lover does what he or she does for love’s sake. A lover is compelled to surrender, sacrifice, and serve by the love that burns inside. A lover does all for the sake of intimacy and connection, not for the sake of gain.

The lover is motivated by internal forces.

Being a lover doesn’t mean you allow your emotions to dictate. Love is more than an emotion. Emotions are fickle and fleeting. You can’t rely on them.

The kind of genuine love I am talking about is deep conviction that drives daily choices.

Love looks through what appears to be true and chooses to stare into the truth. What are the truths a lover looks for?

• The truth is that love, real love, is found in the face of Jesus
• The truth is that as a believer, you have that very love inside of you
• The truth is that you do not have to be ruled by your emotions, but can be ruled by the Holy Spirit
• The truth is that you can take every thought captive, and can take it to trial by the discernment of the Holy Spirit
• The truth is that the covenant you share with your spouse is a supernatural one
• The truth is that God is for your marriage and he is by nature a restorer, a redeemer and a reconciler
• The truth is that you and your spouse are one, and that makes your marriage different from every other relationship in your life

A Lover is First a Beloved

I mentioned this last time, but it bears repeating. The best way to allow your heart to be transformed into a lover is by first realizing that you are beloved.

We love because he first loved us.

1 John 4:19 (NIV)

Allow your heart to be wrecked by the One who gave all to have you as his own. Let love renovate your heart.

Yes, eventually, you still have to do the work. But as your heart and mind are transformed from a worker to that of a lover, you will be able to work longer, harder, and with more genuine joy than you can imagine.

Remember, a lover will out-work a worker every time.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio